last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
