At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
