I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
