Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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