Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
