I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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