Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I look better un-naked...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
