So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
