Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
