Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
