Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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