Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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