I smell stomach acid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
