Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
