The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
