So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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