We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
