in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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