Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
