yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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