I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
