I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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