Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
