I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
