I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
