My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
