addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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