Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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