I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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