Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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