Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
