But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
