btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
