I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
