I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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