you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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