I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
well you can't waste a boner
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
