You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
