you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
