I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
