from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
