My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
