You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
