We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
people are starting to question the shark bite story
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
