I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
