Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
