How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
