she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
