The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
