Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
