i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
